Stuck in a rut

So right now its 9am, a standard time for me to wake. But I have been going through a motion for the last 3 months or so.
A lot and nothing has happened all at the same time.
I'm going to call it a bittersweet summer.

The love of my life left me to pursue his dream and in result I was lost my closest friend. The time difference meant it was hard to speak. Everytime we did speak though an anger would come over me. Deep down I knew the anger was just my way of showing him I missed him, but I couldn't convey it appropriately. Once back, I left. I went away to the same destination as him ironically. And there I displayed even more "anger".
Between all this may I add, I found a new friend. A new person to share my daily thoughts with. I was relieved, excited, scared and guilty. This friendship began great but ended terribly. But I'll leave it at that.

So anyway, back to our normal routines I am slowly picking up on a few things. The love of my life is leading a busy life at the moment and probably will do for the next few years. Can I deal with that? I really don't know to be honest, I seek attention. I have come to accept that. So what do I do? Do I take the all the attention I can get from him, or do I call it a day and go elsewhere. Right now I'm determined to make it work. I truly believe this summer caused a humungous strain on our relationship. I do actually remember saying it would make or break us. Right now the needles pointing closer to the breaking side.
Looking at him, I can't see me being with someone else. He's a total package in my opinion. Honest, caring, very ambitious, determined....what more can I ask for.
I sometimes think I'm not up to his standards, and I'm sure a few people on his side of things may say the same thing.
I don't know, maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself right now.

*sighs*

I'm feeling the pressure, I'm going to try and clear my head. When I return I'll continue to tell you about my bittersweet summer.

C ya, xx